Coping with a new baby.

By: Damon Taylor


Making the decision to have children is not easy, however at some point in our lives many of us do. Having a new person added to the family can cause significant changes to the dynamics of a relationship. What we were once accustomed to becomes surreal and almost impossible. Many couples discover that the preparations and research conducted are often minor in comparison to the events actually experienced.

As a couple, we are used to having our quite times to ourselves,to relax and to enjoy the company of our partner without interruption. The solitude and tranquility so easily attainable in couple relationships often become non-existent upon the arrival of a new baby. Whilst the addition to the family is met with joy and happiness, the work that follows is often unexpected and not adequately planned for.

The new baby wakes every two to three hours for a feed, and then may not want to go back to sleep. Couples who are unfortunate to experience babies with reflux or colic may soon forget what sleep was like. You may walk around feeling like a zombie, unaware of what time it is or what day it is for that matter. Your ability to think declines, with irrational thoughts slowly entering your mind, causing your stress levels to increase and your emotions to heighten. When the baby finally goes down for a nap, you begin to develop a sense of paranoia. Every little noise made is responded with an urgent and almost desperate ’hush’. Families and friends who visit must go through a ritual process of calling before they arrive, just to make sure that they are not disrupting any precious rest or sleep time for mum and dad.

As the days progress into weeks, the lack of sleep begin to take effect and couples often find themselves feeling perplexed and irrational. Fights begin, with each partner finding reason to argue why they are more tired than the other, or doing the most work. Mothers often argue that they are with the baby all day long, and have little time for themselves. When the baby is down for a nap, there are housework and chores to be completed. Fathers on the other hand argue that after a disturbed nights sleep, they must wake up and go to work. Their quality of work is being affected due to lack of sleep and stress. Despite the arguments presented by both mothers and fathers, the introduction of a baby places great stress on both parties. So how do you deal with your little bundle of joy without feeling like killing one another or running away?

The answer is routine. All babies and children require routine, and whilst it make take some time to develop this routine, it is a godsend when developed. Likewise, couples also require a routine to parent effectively and maintain a positive relationship with one another. Ensure that you get your baby into a feeding pattern. Once that is established, you will be able to plan around when your baby will require a feed, and a pattern for sleep. This may take some time as babies often like to feed on demand. Lets face it, they have powerful little lungs and like to put on a show when hungry. Some mothers find it beneficial to top their baby up on formula if they still appear hungry or unsettled after being breastfed. Some times this can be the case and giving them a little ’top up’ does not hurt them.

When your baby has a feeding pattern, begin to develop a sleeping pattern. You may find that your baby will fall asleep shortly after being fed or whilst being fed. Ensure that your baby is burped to prevent them from waking up with wind, then put them down for a sleep. Give your baby a bath earlier rather than later in the evening. Allow them to play, or use this time to spend with them. Your partner can arrive home from work and do this as part of his routine. Before going to bed, feed your baby his or her last feed for the night, then get some sleep. if you find that your baby simply does like to be put down, you may want to consider the control crying method. Not all parents like this at it appears cruel, however sometimes allowing your baby to cry for a few minutes before being picked up will enable them to develop a better sleeping routine. As a parent, you will soon learn to distinguish between the different types of cries. You learn that your baby will cry a certain way when hungry, and cry a different way when in pain and so forth. Sometimes your baby will simply cry because they want to be held. Holding your baby and to bond and develop attachment is fine, in fact it is important to do this, however always picking your baby up at the first sign of a wimper will encourage them to always want to be held, and for a parent this can be exhausting.

Coping with change is not an easy task to do. You may notice that you and your partner are encountering more arguments as a result of the increased stress and lack of sleep. As a parent its also important to take care of yourself. Make a rule whereby each partner can have some time to themselves once a week whilst the other parent cares for the baby. Also, its important to make time for one another. This provides a perfect opportunity for the grandparents to become involved. Organise a night out together once a fortnight or once a month and allow the grandparents to have some time with their grandchild. They will love this and so will you. You can have a night out followed by some well deserved zzzs.

Whilst having a child can be a life changing experience, it is also a time in your life that brings great joy and happiness. Often couples gain a sense of completeness upon the arrival of their child. The relationship is affirmed and bonds are created beyond the promises and vows of commitment made. The creation of a child creates an invisible yet definitive link between husband and wife, and for many, it is this link alone that establishes the strength and intensity of a relationship.

Having a baby will no doubt change your life significantly. Routines and activities that were once part of your life as a couple may no longer occur as your baby will take precedent. Time management, job sharing and compromise is vital in ensuring that both you and your partner enjoy the things you once did both as individuals and as a couple. The arrival of a baby not only bring change, but also bring with it the joy, laughter and happiness only ever experienced by a parent.